On The Other Hand
by Kitake Neru
Summary: Sure, GFs are a blessing in battle, but when you host extraordinary summons with ordinary problems, things aren't all peachy...
1. Doomtrain's Enthusiasm

Disclaimer applies to everything.  
  
A/N: A new year has rolled by again, and to celebrate, I decided to post a series of fics that have little to do with each other (meaning you can read the chapters in any order you like, if you like). The title speaks for itself. Enjoy!  
  
Scene 1: Doomtrain's Enthusiasm  
  
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The Kashkabald Desert was not called THE desert for nothing. The sun beat mercilessly down on them, and the boiling sand beneath their feet made them feel like they were standing on a hotplate. All the same, the gang couldn't understand why Squall refuses to take off his black jacket and Irvine discard even his hat. Talk about male pride.  
  
Quistis shielded her eyes, sweat running down her skin in rivulets as she silently cursed the Centra weather. Only Cactuar was enjoying it if anything, and that's saying something. She had to constantly keep cool with Blizzard spells, and that was running low. She didn't fancy being hit by anything higher, but if that's what it takes...  
  
"Water!" Selphie panted as she cast the ball of water onto herself. "Squall, are we going to be any longer?!" She whined and was greeted by silence. Of course, what else was she expecting? An answer?  
  
"We're not going back until we get that monster," Quistis answered on behalf of their silent commander. "Maybe you can ask either Bahamut or Queazacotl to fly up and scout it for us?"  
  
"If I told you once I told you a hundred times - Water - they dislike the heat as much as we do, so there." Selphie's gravity-defying hair was limp now after being watered down so much. Quistis shook her head as she pinned her hair even higher. "We're getting nowhere, Squall," She addressed her sullen commander and got the usual silent reply. She sighed and finally her patience snapped. "I don't believe you dragged us here to look for an Abyss Worm that reportedly stole a priceless artifact from Professor Clementine!" Her voice rose and Squall winced. "Quisty..."  
  
"What's so important about the artifact that we have to track the thing ON FOOT?!"  
  
"Abyss Worms can't be seen from the Ragnarok,' Squall finally spoke, and his voice was cracked from the heat. "Didn't I tell you to bring a full stock of Water?"  
  
"I'm half depleted, so help me," Selphie again cast the spell on her. She suddenly brightened. 'I see one!!"  
  
They were facing a large mound and Quistis sighed. She stretched her whip and "Here we go!"  
  
The sharp crack rang in the air and presently the Abyss Worm reared its ugly head. Not for long though, for Squall quickly cut it's head clean.  
  
"Urgh..." Selphie prodded the remains with her nunchaku and she squealed in delight when she spied a dull-gray slab of stone covered in muck. "Yes!!! oh Doomtrain, I have - "  
  
Her words were cut off by the roar of a train coming and Squall dragged Quistis aside. "Doomtrain!!!"  
  
The GF roared past them and swung on its non-existent tracks. 'You called, Mistress?"  
  
Selphie slapped her forehead. Naivety was Doomtrain's *main* virtue a.k.a. pain. "No, I did not call you, Doomy," Selphie sighed, using her nickname for the GF. "I was just swearing by your name... wait a minute!' She clapped her hand in happiness, struck with a brilliant idea. "Doomy, can we ride you?"  
  
Quistis quirked her brow. "Oh-no..." Sure, granted, the GF is innocent, and in the shape of a long-carriage transportation that's capable of inter- dimensional travel. But...  
  
"If you're protected against my status effects, you can," Doomtrain was ever agreeable. Selphie laughed and turned to the other SeeDs, who were quite apprehensive. Quistis checked her inventory. Thank God she had the foresight to equip a Ribbon. "I'm protected, yeah, but..."  
  
"It's going to be hot." Squall said bluntly and Selphie sighed. "Doomtrain can get us to the Ragnarok in a jiffy. We'll just have to stand it, that's all. Besides, what's a little heat?"  
  
A little heat was an understatement. If they thought the Kashkabald Desert was unforgiving, then Doomtrain's insides were HELL. But they made it back to the airship albeit feeling thoroughly cooked and bathed in sweat. Zell greeted them cheerfully. "Didja get it?"  
  
Squall took off his sodden jacket and collapsed gratefully under an air- conditioning duct. "..."  
  
Quistis threw aside her whip, kicked off her boots, let her hair down and collapsed next to Squall. "..."  
  
"We got it!" Selphie cheered, holding the slimy tablet up. Zell blinked at her. 'Whoa... you're still standing?"  
  
"We took Doomtrain on the ride home," Squall muttered with his eyes closed. Quistis nodded in agreement, savoring the air-conditioning. "Of course Selphie didn't feel a thing, because she was *junctioned* to the thing!" Her voice was bitter and Selphie giggled. "Sorry guys, didn't know that!"  
  
"Forget it," Quistis growled and rubbed her temples. 'Let's get out of here. By Shiva, I need a bath."  
  
Zell blinked confusedly and set the Ragnarok for home. It couldn't have been that bad... what's a little heat anyway? He calmly piloted the Ragnarok, ignoring the three friends who were sprawled behind him in sheer exhaustion.  
  
A little poke in his mind startled him and he remembered the little conversation he had with Tonberry. The little thing's not doing to well...  
  
A/N: What do you think? For once, I'm doing a fic that's not Quall, but don't kill me yet. Next up - Tonberry Innocence. 


	2. Chapter 2 Tonberry's Innocence

Tonberry's Innocence  
  
A/N: Second one up!  
  
"No, Tonberry, you don't *poke* the basketball, you throw it!!!" Selphie slapped her forehead and sighed at the little sheepish GF. They were standing in the basketball court, thankfully deserted. "Didn't I tell you not to bring your knife?!"  
  
"S-Sorry," Tonberry muttered and poked the ball again. Selphie sighed and knelt down to pat the small GF. "You look kindda tired kid. Why don't you go back to the inter-dimensional plane and get some shut-eye?"  
  
Tonberry vehemently shook his head. "I-I don't wanna," Tonberry whimpered. "They- They -"  
  
Selphie narrowed her eyes. "Oh, they bully you, do they? We'll see 'bout that!" She stood up and marched resolutely to the bridge, dragging the hapless Tonberry behind her. The doors swung open and the occupants looked up with surprise. Selphie looked around. 'Where's Squally?"  
  
Quistis didn't look up from her work. Apart from Rinoa, Selphie was the only living human being who called him 'Squally' and got away with it. Speaking of which... "He's in the cafeteria with Rinoa." She said off- handedly as she moved a stack of papers to another spot on her desk.  
  
Selphie blinked in surprise. 'I thought she said she doesn't want to speak to him after he accidentally made Angelo a zombie?"  
  
The incident occurred several days ago when they were training in the Training Centre. Squall was showing the cadets how to draw Zombie from one of the monsters when Angelo came bounding in. In what was later called 'The Big Shock', Squall accidentally draw-cast the spell onto Angelo. To make matters worse, a cadet cast Cure on the canine and induced further suffering on the animal. Why Rinoa laid the blame totally on Squall was still a mystery.  
  
"She can't stay away, now can she?" Quistis chuckled and looked up. 'What's the hurr - oh, hello, Tonberry." She smiled pleasantly at Tonberry.  
  
The GF sheepishly hid behind Selphie and the Trabian remembered her initial reason for being here. "I'm looking for Squall coz I wanna speak to Bahamut. Guess I'll have to interrupt their little reunion," She sighed and flipped her hair up. Interrupting Squall when he's patching things up with Rinoa is not a good idea.  
  
"Wait, Bahamut is with me," Quistis said quickly. "Let's go out to the balcony and I'll call him out.  
  
The silver dragon descended from the skies and looked suspiciously at his mistress. Quistis looked up at him. "Selphie wants to talk you - "  
  
"You big meanie!" Selphie butted in and yelled. Bahamut blinked. "What did I - "  
  
"Just coz you guys are big you bully poor Tonberry to death! Look at him, he's terrified!' Selphie pointed to Tonberry, who was trying to hide behind her small frame. "Mi-Mistress..."  
  
Bahamut suddenly let out a rumble, and it took a second for Selphie to realize he was laughing. "Eh?"  
  
Bahamut tried to keep himself airborne while laughing. "Miss Selphie, I assure you it's US that's terrified of him. He can't touch anyone without poking us with that-that...knife, and every time he jumps in excitement, junk comes out of nowhere and we have to duck for cover. Not to mention he's terrified of the dark and has that lantern on, which also causes us to become dizzy because of its effects. It affects out vitality, see," Bahamut finished his explanation and chuckled again. "Besides, it was Siren who banished him, because... heheh... the little tyke's a pervert as well. Caught him sneaking up on Siren while she was sleeping. The girl doesn't like her sleep interrupted, see." Bahamut was roaring with laughter now, and Selphie could feel her junctioned GFs giggling too. Her anger mounted again, but this time it's to the shaking GF still hanging on her legs - and poking her! "YAARGH!!! Don't poke me!!!!"  
  
Quistis covered her mouth and laughed silently. Bahamut blinked with curiosity. "Ah... I suppose this punishment is enough," He muttered at Selphie who was beating Tonberry mercilessly with her nunchaku. "He's not going to get near Siren for a while now."  
  
Quistis looked inquiringly at him. "Sly dragon, you. I thought you were going for Leviathan?"  
  
Bahamut wrinkled his nose. "Levy's too slippery. Besides, she's got this thing for Eden, see?"  
  
Quistis couldn't contain her laughter now. "Oh really?! Oh my... that explains why Squall feels uneasy nowadays. I should tell him to unjunction either one."  
  
"If you do that, Levy will never forgive you," Bahamut said gravely. "She can be very nasty when she's angry... let's say she floods Garden?"  
  
Good Shiva. Quistis shuddered at the thought of Garden becoming a huge floating waterfall. "I get your point."  
  
"Right," Bahamut started to fly away. "Call me where there's a *real* emergency."  
  
"I won't interrupt your time," Quistis chuckled and returned indoors, ignoring Selphie, who was hanging Tonberry by the end of her nunchaku and swinging it with all her might. The whole Garden knows how much Selphie dislikes perverts. In fact, it was she who changed Irvine from a skirt- chaser into one of the most gentlemanly guys in Garden. Gone were the Girl Next Door mags under his bed and the suspicious-looking messages in his drawers. If Selphie pushed harder Quistis had no doubt that the guy would be a celibate for his little Seffie.  
  
Just then the alarm blared and the red warning lights came on. Quistis looked up in alarm and checked her screen. "Security breach on level 1! GF breach in the cafeteria!" The screen showed and she sat there stunned. A moment later she laughed, her musical laugh joining in with the loud blaring of the alarm. Xu came flying down, horrified. "What is it?! An attack?!"  
  
"Shut the alarm, will you?" Quistis picked up her pen again. "It's nothing serious."  
  
"Urgh." Xu checked the security panel. "The last time the alarm went off it was because Squall turned Angelo into a zombie and Rinoa Angel Winged. It was unfortunate that she had her inventory full."  
  
Quistis pursed her lips and laughed. "If you're really curious, go and see."  
  
Xu cast her companion a strange look before heading to the elevator.  
  
A/N: Next - Leviathan's Waterfall 


	3. Chapter 3 Leviathan's Waterfall

Leviathan's Waterfall

A/N: the third one in this series of ficlets – enjoy!

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"No, Leviathan ST –gggrh!" Squall spluttered angrily when the GF poured a waterfall on his head.  He grit his teeth.  If he wanted a bath he wouldn't have asked her for one, and definitely not in the cafeteria, during lunch hour!!!

"Squall!" Rinoa cried as she was showered as well, which really didn't make much difference if you consider being boot-high deep in water.  "What happened?"

"Ask me something I can answer, won't you?" Squall furiously held out his hand.  "Fira!" He hit the GF and for a second, it hesitated, and then let forth a torrent of water that flooded everything, again.

"My hotdogs!!" Zell wailed as he held up a soggy one and grimaced.  "Squall, summon her back, can't you?"

"What-do-you-think-I'm-TRYING-to-DO?!" Squall's temper was just as bad as Leviathan, and it was about to show.  Nobody likes Squall when he's angry.  

_Sorry 'bout that, Master_; Eden's voice came about and Squall clenched his fists.  Eden! I don't give a damn about what you do in the inter-dimensional plane, but don't bring it here! Now can you calm her down?!

_I can't do it if I'm not summoned, and you can't summon me here, Master_.  Eden sounded a little hurt but Squall was beyond reasoning.  I hate to do this to a GF, but here goes... "Pandemona!!"

The purple GF came out.  "Yeah?"

"Kindly send Leviathan out.  I mean OUT."

Pandemona wasn't as dense as Eden.  He nodded and took out that vacuum bag of his.  "Here we go!"

A huge tornado swirled around the room and sucked in Leviathan (and anything else that isn't rooted to the floor and walls) into that huge vacuum bag.  Squall hung onto Rinoa with one hand and the partition railing with the other as potted plants, cups, even the water was sucked in.  And...

"EEEEEP!!!!"

Through the vortex, Squall saw – "XU!"

The poor lieutenant had just entered and didn't have the time to grab hold of anything, thus she was lifted clean off the floor and sucked right in.  "Oh shit!" Squall swore as the vortex subsided and Pandemona looked at Squall.  "Out?"

Too late, the vacuum bag was pointed out of the window and with a mighty roar all the debris, Leviathan and Xu were fired out like a cannon ball.  Squall rushed to the window and saw Xu had managed to grab hold of Leviathan in mid-flight and was safely deposited on the ground.  But if Leviathan was angry before, then she's nothing short of enraged right now.  Without wasting time, Squall summoned Eden.  "Do your job!" Squall hissed at the huge eccentric GF.  "Fire her to the next galaxy if you have to!" he threatened before going back in to assess the damage which was, without saying; massive.

Rinoa clutched her head and shook it slightly.  Squall knelt down and helped her to her feet, looking for bruises.  "Are you alright, Rinoa?"

The sorceress took a deep breath.  "Bad things happen in the cafeteria, Squall.  I know now and I am *never* coming in here with you." She huffed and stormed away, leaving a very bewildered Squall.  Not for long though.  A second later Leviathan flew in the window, much to the horror of the lunch ladies.  This, Squall thought, is the main reason why the first rule of SeeD is; Never junction a GF in Garden unless under training and emergency purposes. Ever. 

"Master," Leviathan sobbed, tears running down her dragon features.  "I'm so sorry..."

"I told you to keep your temper down," Squall growled.  "And whatever happened between you and Eden is none of my concern, is that clear?"

"Don't Junction us together!!" Leviathan wailed miserably.  "Or don't Junction me.  Put me with Ifrit or Bahamut or that slut Siren – "

"Levitahan!"

"Sorry." She sniffled and faded.  Squall put a hand to his forehead, Squall style.  Whoever said managing GFs are easy? They maybe a great help in battle, but he also had to remember that they're alive as well.

"Um, Squall?"

He looked down and saw Zell crouching on his knees, sodden to his socks.  But he was frowning.   

"What is it, Zell?"

"Aren't we moving right now?"

"Yes, we are, Zell."

"Then what about Xu?"

Author's note: Yes, what about her? Coming next... Reviews!


	4. Chapter 4 Watch Out For That Hooooole!

Watch Out For That Hoooooole!!!

A/N: This one is seriously demented, I mean, I've never written anything so idiotically crazy.  This time the victim is our prim Instructor, Xu!

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A very angry Xu stormed in the SeeD quarters that evening, her uniform clinging to her slight frame.  She was barefoot, her ruined boots swinging from her hand.  She roughly slid her card key into her door and practically shoved the door open – much to the surprise of the other SeeDs.  Xu was seldom bad- tempered, and if she was, this must be something big.  

She threw her boots against the opposite wall and jumped when her boots hit something alive.  The thing squealed and jumped, nearly hitting the ceiling.  Xu stopped and stared.  It was green, fuzzy and had long ears that twitched.  

Carbuncle.

Her temper flared again.  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Carbuncle blinked its shining black eyes at her, oblivious to her yell.  It squeaked and jumped down from the bed, carrying something in its paws.  Xu suspiciously retrieved it and unfolded the note.

Just to apologize, Carbuncle is a great soother! – Rinoa.

"Oh is he..." Xu crumpled the note and turned to the small GF, who was looking up adoringly.  Carbuncle really was adorable.  Its fluorescent green fur was really soft to the touch, and the ruby set into its forehead contrasted sharply with its overall color, quite adorable really.  The fact that Carbuncle is really harmless already soothed Xu.  She had enough of destructive GFs for the time being.

"How sweet," Xu murmured as she hugged Carbuncle.  The GF squeaked happily and buried her (A/N: I dunno... I just assume Carbuncle's a female, hmm?) head into Xu's shoulder and purred.

Xu conveniently remembered she was drenched after her brief – and unpleasant – experience in Pandemona's vacuum bag.  Her shoulder was still sore where a chair leg had rammed into it earlier.  Next time there's a GF warning, she'll be nowhere near the vicinity.  "Carbuncle, can you wait? I need a bath." She gently patted its head and hurried into the bathroom.

Carbuncle blinked and waited for a while, when Ifrit suddenly called from the inter-dimensional plane.  "Yo, titch! Wanna join us in a game of Triad?"

Carbuncle squeaked miserably.  "I do, but I gotta wait for Miss Xu to finish her bath.  But I'll watch!!" she said excitedly and opened the dimensional hole where she usually appears from.  Right below, Ifrit, Shiva, Alexander and Diabolos were playing their improved version of Triple Triad.  Basically it involved more squares, more players and an additional set of rules.  Like no elemental allowed.  It really isn't fair to Shiva, who doesn't have any fire cards at all, and Alexander, who's cards are all Holy. 

Carbuncle was watching with rapt attention, so immersed was she that she didn't notice Xu had come out of the bathroom, dressed in nothing but a towel.  And that's how most disasters strike – negligence.  Xu was so caught up looking at Carbuncle, Carbuncle was so interested in the Triad game – that both forgot about the hole.  

Naturally, Xu stepped right into the hole.  'Yaah!!!"

"Crap!!" Shiva cursed when Xu plunged right through the floating board, destroying the entire game.  And she was just winning!  "What's going on?!"

"Diabolos, catch her before she falls further!!!" Alexander cried.  Flying on swift wings, the GF neatly caught the shocked lieutenant.  "Are you alright, Miss?"

"I..." Xu managed a nod, and after a moment Diabolos constructed a seat for her out of his bats.  GFs can float in the inter-planetary dimension, but so far no human ever entered.  Judging from how fast she fell, there's no doubt she cannot float.  Xu was a surprising first.  "How did this happen?" Shiva demanded, and the clamor attracted Siren and Bahamut.  "Miss Xu?!"

"Somebody please get me out of here?" Xu pleaded, feeling thoroughly frazzled.  "Carbuncle?"

"She cannot appear in the physical world without being summoned," Bahamut explained.  Who else is junctioned to Mistress Rinoa?" 

There was an awkward pause.  And then; "None of us."

"This is bad..." Bahamut groaned.  Well, who can bring her out?"

Xu looked at Alexander and the GF shook his head.  "Sorry Miss.  I never move from the Holy Ground.  I merely fire my missiles from there – unless you want to ride my missiles?"

Siren.  The pretty nymph shook her head too.  "I'm junctioned to Mr. Irvine, and he's asleep right now."

"Wait, maybe my Mistress can help," Bahamut said suddenly.  He opened a link with Quistis.  It was lucky that the SeeD never-ever unjunctioned her GFs, despite the rules.  She can be pretty stubborn when she wants to. 

Quistis frowned when she felt Bahamut forming in her mind.  _What is it?_

_Mistress, I have a request.  Can you please call Mistress Rinoa?_

Quistis sneaked a peek at the clock and shook her head in defiance.  _Oh no.  Nadda.  Nope.  You see, right now she's... occupied. What is it?_

_Can't we disturb her just for a second? Miss Xu has accidentally appeared in the inter-dimensional plane, and we need to take her back._

Quistis grinned wryly.  _When you're makin' lurve, every second counts.  Sorry._

_I see_.  She felt Bahamut laugh.  _Then can you call me? I will bring her back.  Though, I'd advise you to ready a warm blanket before you summon me._

Quistis blinked.  _Why? Don't fly so fast then._

_It's not that, Mistress.  Miss Xu is... inadequately dressed._

Humor tickled her.  _Alright._ She couldn't even begin to wonder how Xu got stuck in the Inter-dimensional plane, and why she was inadequately dressed.         

As she made her way back along the corridor, she bumped into Zell and Seifer.  "Yo, Instructor, what's the hurry?" Zell was ever chirpy.

"Oh, Xu got trapped in the Inter-planetary plane and I need to summon Bahamut to bring her back." She said absently, trying to dart past them.

"Oh? Don't worry, we can help you!" Zell said excitedly.  Instantly Quistis realized her mistake.  Her MAJOR mistake.  'Zell no – "

"Ifrit! Bring Xu back!"

Quistis clapped a hand to her forehead, Squall-style.  This can't be happening...

With a roar and a rush of heated air, Ifrit appeared – without Xu.  Zell scratched his head.  "Where is she?!"

Ifrit shifted uncomfortably, steam coming out of his nose.  "Well, you see, Master, when you summoned me, my Hell Flames... well, they sort of... burned her towel off."

"She was only dressed in a TOWEL?" Seifer immediately got a nosebleed and got a bruised nose too, when Quistis punched him straight on.  "That's enough! Good night, and sweet dreams, Seifer," She sweetly patted his head and distinctly heard him mutter "You mean wet dreams, right?"

Needless to say, he got a painful jab in the crotch with a sharp heel.


End file.
